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Germany Finishes Conquest Of South America

Nazi Eagle Replaces Jesus Statue In Rio De Janeiro After World Cup Victory

Saturday July 19th, 2014:

RIO DE JANEIRO, Brazil -- Finishing the last pretenses of formality with foreign diplomats, Chancellor Angela Merkel signed the Treaty of São Paulo this morning, which stipulates the unconditional surrender of South America to the Third Reich. With the force of international law, the treaty, according to Foreign Minister von Ribbentrop, is "a mere scrap of paper" that "does not mean anything."

Victorious at the World Cup in a triumph of will, Imperial Germany marched toward destiny this week, striding over the broken spirit of Brazil in its own homeland.

With the domination of the whole continent of South America through its own game -- having already acquired the Eurozone the same way, by purging the bankers of Europe -- the century long project of "living space" finally has room to breathe on the world stage. It would not have been possible without the brutal Fußball putsch over the past few weeks, executed by the elite Reichsfußballkommando paramilitary team that was deployed throughout the country.

Marking the centennial of the First World War, the only time the thousand year empire has ever failed to accidentally conquer France, the 2014 World Cup was fated to be won by unified Germany. Sleep walking through history toward total victory, Argentina was ultimately crushed at the FIFA Final without mercy. Supremacy over all other races was more important to the Aryan people now than at any other time since the 1936 Summer Olympics in Berlin, which was presided over by emeritus statesman Der Führer himself.

Now retired, 125-year old artist Adolf Hitler was ecstatic, "It was all of my dreams come true! The World Cup is the Holy Grail of lebensraum."

The venerable dual citizen of Germany and Argentina was not alone in praising the spirit of sporting wars and sportsmanship. Argentina has always been very welcoming of him and his friends, he said, including camping buddy Adolf Eichmann, as well as family medical doctor Josef Mengele. Bolivia was also kind to SS-Hauptsturmführer and former Gestapo chieftain Klaus Barbie, now a butcher by trade, who helped them once with their Che Guevara problem.

"The struggle was not with them," Hitler said, "but with ourselves. Mein kampf is your kampf."

But that was not to imply it was a merely pyrrhic or symbolic victory, Hitler insisted, for even mongoloids like the Russian Slavs could be formidable foes. "The subhumans from the dark continent defied the Romans with their elephants," said the ever charming Hitler, with his famous flair for the world historical, "and civilization drove the barbarians back into the sea." That being said, however, "Who, after all, speaks today of the annihilation of the Carthaginians?"

It was sweet justice for an empire haunted by its own traumatic history, the victims of an infamous back-stabbing a hundred years ago by internationalist Jews that robbed them of their birth right. It was an emotional moment for everyone with blonde hair and blue eyes, even the Hitler Youth who were too young to remember.

Colonies had been established many times in South America in the past, Hitler remarked, which gives the land a spiritual kinship due to their shared German heritage and hatred of Semitic bloodlines. Panzer divisions rolled through the countryside in celebration, touring every country below the equator and beyond. There was joyous revelry in beer halls throughout the Anschluss, with pure blooded children of the Fatherland everywhere cheering, "Deutschland Über Alles!"

Now that FIFA had served its purpose, its leaders were summarily executed for treason.


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