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Baltimore Police Reform With Racial Quotas On Excessive Force

Baltimore Police Department Still Stats Obsessed In Spite Of 'The Wire'

Friday May 15th, 2015:

BALTIMORE -- While the city slowly settles down after riots disrupted minority-owned businesses a few weeks ago, controversy has embroiled the nation on the question of racism in the criminal justice system. Most polls indicate the country is deeply divided on what is to be done with those people, with little agreement on how to break the endemic cycle of urban poverty. Many Americans simply feel "if they think they have it so bad" that they need to disrespect the police then "maybe they should just get the hell out."

The Baltimore police department has thus surprised many observers by coming out ahead of a pending Department of Justice investigation with its own policy reform, which they say will make it impossible for anyone to be discriminated against.

"The flaws of institutional racism in our country have become undeniable in the past year," announced Mayor Rawlings-Blake in a joint press meeting with the State's attorney's office and the Baltimore police commissioner. "It is more important now, than ever, that we end the biases in our own abuse of power."

While the lawlessness has been mostly blamed on agitators exploiting a bad situation that was exacerbated by the terrible decision making of a corrupt government, many feel it was ultimately the frustrations of a marginalized community boiling over, ignited over the fatal injuries sustained by Freddie Gray while he was held in police custody.

The case has been considered unusual by many commentators given the odd situation surrounding the use of excessive force, as Gray's neck was broken when shackled in the back of a van while three of the six arresting officers were black.

"When you consider that the city has a black mayor and police commissioner, as well as a majority non-white police force," said the black State's attorney Marilyn Mosby, who is under fire for ethical conflicts in prosecuting the officers, "what we are dealing with clearly transcends the race of the individuals involved. The victim was not even white."

Some liberal spectators have been heartened by the fact that Baltimore has chosen not to shield its own officers from the violation of due process that is the right of all Americans. Few of them, however, feel this has gone far enough.

Police Commissioner Batts has pledged to address the problem of systemic racism in his department with an unbridled assault on injustice, unveiling a bold new initiative designed to ensure equality of treatment under the law for all citizens. The racial quotas on excessive force will bring arbitrary harassment and discrimination into alignment with national norms for population at the same per capita rates for all socioeconomic groups in the city.

"Soccer moms will now be at the same risk as teenage gang bangers of being ripped out of the car by their hair and curb stomped for resisting arrest," promised Commissioner Batts, "they will then be prosecuted for possession of drugs and illegal weapons, which will be planted in their vehicles at precisely the same rates regardless of the color of their skin."

"Whenever a black man is killed by our officers, three whites will be gunned down to balance the scales of justice. Extra-judicial executions will be upwardly adjusted across all groups following every depraved heart murder. As God as my witness, I give you my word. Asians and Jews will not be spared."

Critics have been quick to argue that the enforcement of these new quotas might be a back door for allowing insufficiently arbitrary punishment to be inflicted on both criminals and innocent bystanders. The American Civil Liberties Union has been assured, however, that police brutality will be utterly inhuman. Citizens will be profiled with the best demographic data that mass surveillance has to offer, and then kicked in the stomach regardless of whether or not they are pregnant.

Analysts with the Brookings Institute have estimated that with state-of-the-art technology, an impoverished child could be killed in the crossfire of a raid on a West Baltimore crack house in an ordinary miscarriage of justice, and the response time for breaking into a special needs nursery school in a wealthier neighborhood to unload a clip into a little girl's face would only be a matter of minutes.

"With each case of force unleashed on unarmed citizens, the projected violence necessary to equalize outcomes will be calculated with re-weighted probabilities, with computers selecting citizens at random. It will be executed immediately with extreme prejudice," the police commissioner reassured reporters. "Income, criminal history, and individual behavior will no longer be predictive factors of criminality."

"Maximum penalties will be sought in every instance regardless of circumstances," added prosecutor Mosby. "Whether it is intimidation, harassment, false arrest, or motivated persecution, there will be no question by anyone that justice is blind in the city of Baltimore."

Mosby boasted: "The crowds have spoken, and we listened."

Progressives from across the country have heaped praise on the proposed new measures for their intersectionality, impressed with the extent they will impose shared experiences across the whole population of Baltimore. Social justice will be pushed forward by leaps and bounds in the spreading of terror throughout white suburbia, as the highly segregated minority residents are shot for breaking into their own homes and raped in the back of patrol cars regardless of age, gender, or sexual orientation.

"Civil unrest will never foment into a revolution that fixes all social ills unless everyone is deeply violated by the state for the good of society," argues an op-ed in this week's Mother Jones, "which is why it is essential to have a government of thugs acting out their atavistic impulses."

"Progress is virtually impossible without widespread riots fostering a radicalism that threatens the basis of society itself. Only with enough hatred of the powerful will we be able to legislate the wide-ranging government programs necessary for the powerful to control every aspect of society. When the animals wipe themselves out, it will be the final solution to the urban question."

The inner-city gangs who collaborated in recent weeks to stand their ground and prevent looting are enthusiastic with the prospect of finally being able to cooperate more formally with the police in their role as social justice warriors. They hope to build upon the bridge of their financial relationship from the War on Drugs.

When the second phase of the initiative unfolds next month, gang members will be bussed throughout the district, reversing white flight by equalizing crime rates across all neighborhoods in the city. The Bloods and Crips are thrilled with the opportunity to further protect their own communities, as they have nothing but contempt for all of these social parasites who cannot even be bothered to fix their own problems.


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