The Tragic Jester Inquisitor

"You provide the news, we'll provide the war."

Ukraine Freedom Fighters Find Missing Malaysian Airlines Flight

Pro-Russian Ukraine Soldiers Discover Missing Malaysian Flight 370, Western Propagandists Imply It Is A Second Plane

Thursday July 18th, 2014:

HRABOVE, Ukraine -- Families of the passengers from missing Malaysian Airlines Flight 370, which disappeared in early March, were relieved Thursday morning to hear that freedom fighters had discovered its wreckage in the south-western borderlands of Ukraine. Thanks to their heroic efforts in the midst of terrible adversity, the mystery of its fate has finally been laid to rest.

War torn since a violent coup d'etat deposed the freely elected government several months prior, which was orchestrated by fascists tied to the neo-Nazi movement, the Ukraine has been struggling to resist foreign control by Western imperialists and subjugation by their puppet regime of ethnic nationalists.

Western powers have yet to directly address the issue of why their own investigators, with the immense satellite surveillance resources available to them, were searching in the wrong part of the world. Russian Foreign Minister Sergei Lavrov was quoted as saying, "This raises some very disturbing questions about why they went so far out of their way to avoid finding it."

The Malaysian flight went missing less than two weeks after a referendum in which the Crimean people overwhelming supported annexation with the Russian Federation, whose military is the only thing protecting them from being purged by death squads. The voice of the people was viciously attacked as "illegitimate" by ultranationalist media attempting to foment unrest.

The Kremlin blasted the European Union and United States when news broke of the stunning discovery earlier today, with Russian President Vladimir Putin stating, "It is a travesty that these families had to wait so long to find out what happened to their loved ones." Now that the black box has been recovered by supporters of federalization, sources say, experts will finally be able to piece together what really happened.

Overthrown President Viktor Yanukovych went on to add, "Without Western meddling in the internal affairs of a sovereign nation, plunging the whole region into chaos, this flight would have been found almost immediately. Would it have even happened?"

U.S. Secretary of State John Kerry has accused the freedom fighters, the very same people who have given these families peace of mind, of shooting down the passenger jet themselves with Russian made SA-17 surface-to-air missiles. Inflating the death toll figure from 227 to 298, the United States has claimed that these systems are capable of shooting them out of the sky at cruising altitude from the ground, as well as being capable of hitting targets more than 70,000 feet above sea level.

These accusations were mocked by Russian military experts, who said, "Why not seventy million feet? We could have poked their eyes out, and they would have stumbled on it by accident."

Petro Poroshenko, leader of the ruling junta in Kiev, had the audacity to call the crash "an act of terrorism", as though it were a recent event that could somehow be attributed to the state of hostilities on the ground today.

The Kremlin dismissed these speculations as "preposterous", arguing that if such technology really existed, Chechen rebels and other Islamic fundamentalists would be blowing up commercial airliners every day. Putin said, "Their hypocrisy is absolutely staggering. The Russian border is on the opposite side of the country. We were not even there four months ago."

"The United States has to look itself in the mirror and ask serious questions about its own imperial overreach into the Middle East, Central Asia, and Eastern Europe." The Russian President went on to say, "Why would they keep supporting insurgents in these countries, when they can so easily be stabilized within the Russian sphere of influence?"

"The worst part of all this nonsense is the tremendous waste of resources," Vladimir Putin continued, "they will keep spending millions of dollars searching the Indian Ocean for a plane that does not exist, when their own people are suffering from recession."

"That is the problem with these imperialist countries," he said, "they are so submerged in their own total denial of reality, they cannot even admit they shot it down themselves."


Copyright, The Tragic Jester. All Rights Reserved. (C) 2014.